Thursday, December 27, 2007
Answered PRAYER!
Court decree has been signed by the father!!!! This morning I prayed specifically that the father would come in today and sign. In some strange way I new that step was going to be completed today. So now we need to be praying that the minister of health in Liberia would complete the case histories with the parents. And the court decree would be officialized in the courts making Serena, Gidstina and Gideon officially Walsman children! AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! :) :) :)
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Really Struggling!
We haven't been given any updates, things are going slower than expected, and I feel like my heart is laid open bear on the alter, ready to be smashed to pieces any minute! I never imagined this process to be so painful! I have pictures of our children now printed and taped to a shelf just above my computer monitor. I have this urge to take them down and put them away and not think about the adoption, other than praying for the children each day, until we get the call to bring them home. It is so painful to live in this not knowing stage. It isn't that I'm desperate to adopt them. If it isn't God's plan than I would willingly lay them down. But we are in the stage of not knowing, which is so hard for a control freak like me! :)
Having gone through three miscarriages I know how it feels to have God give and expect a birth and then have him take away. I just don't want to go through that again! I wish he would just tell me now, if they aren't for us, than close the door. But I realize that may not be his plan, we could go along another year or more and not bring them home. I know that I just need to trust and be surrendered, it is just so difficult!
I look at the children and I wonder should I attach to them as my children? I love them so much, without even trying. I am actually trying not to attach but when I look into the reality of my heart I'm already attached to them! I need to be praying that God would give me his love for these kids, not my own. My own love is so conditional and unstable and selfish and self-centered. God's love for them is, I imagine, free without any strings, free to love them where they are and continue to love them even if they don't come home. Free to pray for them and think about them and free to let every bit of my heart one hundred percent agape love them. Doesn't agape love mean to love at the sacrifice of oneself? So loving them would mean, letting them in, at the risk of them never becoming my children. Would I have loved in vein? No, I would have been a reservoir and hopefully conduit of God's love for them and that would be a gift.
I'm not sure if I've posted this already but the children's biological mother did come and sign the papers for the court decree, now we are just waiting on the father to come. Pray for God's will to be done please!
Thank you to all who have donated towards the children's adoptions! We appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts! We are up to 3,000 dollars! 13,000 more to go!
Having gone through three miscarriages I know how it feels to have God give and expect a birth and then have him take away. I just don't want to go through that again! I wish he would just tell me now, if they aren't for us, than close the door. But I realize that may not be his plan, we could go along another year or more and not bring them home. I know that I just need to trust and be surrendered, it is just so difficult!
I look at the children and I wonder should I attach to them as my children? I love them so much, without even trying. I am actually trying not to attach but when I look into the reality of my heart I'm already attached to them! I need to be praying that God would give me his love for these kids, not my own. My own love is so conditional and unstable and selfish and self-centered. God's love for them is, I imagine, free without any strings, free to love them where they are and continue to love them even if they don't come home. Free to pray for them and think about them and free to let every bit of my heart one hundred percent agape love them. Doesn't agape love mean to love at the sacrifice of oneself? So loving them would mean, letting them in, at the risk of them never becoming my children. Would I have loved in vein? No, I would have been a reservoir and hopefully conduit of God's love for them and that would be a gift.
I'm not sure if I've posted this already but the children's biological mother did come and sign the papers for the court decree, now we are just waiting on the father to come. Pray for God's will to be done please!
Thank you to all who have donated towards the children's adoptions! We appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts! We are up to 3,000 dollars! 13,000 more to go!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Update...
Right now we are waiting for the necessary documents to be signed so that Serena, Gidstina, and Gideon will be legally our children in Liberia! This is so exciting! We hopefully will have that completed within the next 4-6 weeks.
We have the opportunity to send some things over to the children with a family that is going to pick up their children. I decided to sew them blankets even though it is hot over there right now. I figured they could lay on them or hold them. I just wanted them to have something special and I love making things by hand for my babies! I embroidered their names on them. We also will send a picture album for each of the children and letters from each of us.
I've been reading a book called "A black man's tribute to his white mom". It is definitely a good insight into how a dark-skinned child feels with a white mother. I know we will have challenges but I will continue to remind my children that we are all made in God's image, we have the same color blood, and if we all looked the same wouldn't that be boring!!!!!!! God is much more creative than that!
I just finished reading "Tears of the Rain". It was about a missionary couples experience in Liberia from 2001-2003. They were there during the civil war. What a scary time! It gave me tremendous insight into the Liberian culture and the extreme poverty in which they live. It helped me to understand how they can give up their children for adoption. It is the most selfless act they could do for their children. Children literally die of starvation on a daily basis there. Malaria is horrible and a common killer of young children. Measles generates such high fevers that children lose their sight. It is so so sad. Witchcraft and devil worship is VERY common. Child sacrifice is not unusual. I read things that I thought weren't humanly possible. Our living conditions here are absolutely royal compared to Liberian living conditions. I feel so spoiled and I just don't know how to change it.
I want to figure out how to spend less on everything, groceries, clothes, gifts. It just doesn't feel right at all to live the way I do while those in Liberia are living the way they are. So if you have any good beans/rice recipes or other money saving ideas email them to me at acwalsman@yahoo.com. Thanks!
We have the opportunity to send some things over to the children with a family that is going to pick up their children. I decided to sew them blankets even though it is hot over there right now. I figured they could lay on them or hold them. I just wanted them to have something special and I love making things by hand for my babies! I embroidered their names on them. We also will send a picture album for each of the children and letters from each of us.
I've been reading a book called "A black man's tribute to his white mom". It is definitely a good insight into how a dark-skinned child feels with a white mother. I know we will have challenges but I will continue to remind my children that we are all made in God's image, we have the same color blood, and if we all looked the same wouldn't that be boring!!!!!!! God is much more creative than that!
I just finished reading "Tears of the Rain". It was about a missionary couples experience in Liberia from 2001-2003. They were there during the civil war. What a scary time! It gave me tremendous insight into the Liberian culture and the extreme poverty in which they live. It helped me to understand how they can give up their children for adoption. It is the most selfless act they could do for their children. Children literally die of starvation on a daily basis there. Malaria is horrible and a common killer of young children. Measles generates such high fevers that children lose their sight. It is so so sad. Witchcraft and devil worship is VERY common. Child sacrifice is not unusual. I read things that I thought weren't humanly possible. Our living conditions here are absolutely royal compared to Liberian living conditions. I feel so spoiled and I just don't know how to change it.
I want to figure out how to spend less on everything, groceries, clothes, gifts. It just doesn't feel right at all to live the way I do while those in Liberia are living the way they are. So if you have any good beans/rice recipes or other money saving ideas email them to me at acwalsman@yahoo.com. Thanks!
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